


Heartbreak and Happiness

by allthehearteyes



Series: It Sounds Like Fluff to Me [6]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, I promise there’s fluff, M/M, Music, loving boyfriends (at the end)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-13 11:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18030653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthehearteyes/pseuds/allthehearteyes
Summary: 5+1 fic: 5 times music created heartache for Michael and Alex and 1 time it reaffirmed their happiness (because, honestly, they have hadmanymoments of musical goodness).





	Heartbreak and Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> So all the music will match the timelines except for the first song. I took some liberties because the song hadn't been released yet, but it's a perfect fit for the story. Plus it's fic, right? We can get creative with concepts like time and reality and whatnot. Lol. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!! ❤️

1\. 2008

They’re in the desert, sitting on the back of the pickup truck. Michael is hunched over, head on Alex’s lap. His arms wrapped tightly around Alex's waist; he’s sobbing. His whole body is shaking, as is Alex’s. Alex rubs Michael’s back and runs shaky fingers through those soft curls. Every so often he leans over to kiss the top of Michael’s head and murmur, “It’s okay...it’ll be okay.”

It’s their last night together, but neither has the strength to do much more than cry or hold on to one another. Tomorrow Alex will leave for bootcamp and their perfect stolen moments will be long gone. Maybe gone forever. Their worlds torn apart. Nothing to be done about it.

Music is playing through the truck speakers.

 **_Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon_ **  
**_Why am I holding on?_ **  
**_We knew this day would come, we knew it all along_ **  
**_How did it come so fast?_ **

This isn’t a song either of them has heard before, but the words nearly rip them both apart, from the inside out.

 **_This is our last night but it’s late_ **  
**_And I’m trying not to sleep_ **  
**_‘Cause I know, when I wake_ **  
**_I will have to slip away_ **

The lyrics are accurate and devastating.

 **_This is way too hard_ **  
**_‘Cause I know, when the sun comes up_ **  
**_I will leave, this is my last glance_ **  
**_That will soon be memory_ **

They stay there in the dark. Anguished. Clinging to one another.

 _**And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go** _  
_**But tonight I’m gonna hold you so close** _  
_**‘Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own** _  
_**But tonight I need to hold you so close.** _

Their tears mix together as the music continues to cut through them, raw and deep. Their hearts breaking to the poignant words of Maroon 5’s _Daylight_.

 

2\. 2011

Alex is at a dive bar near the base. He’s there with a few other Airman trying to enjoy a rare evening off. He’s sitting on a stool by himself, picking at the label on his beer bottle as the music plays.

 ** _Maybe surrounded by_  
_A million people I_  
_Still feel all alone_  
** _**I wanna go home**_

_**Oh, I miss you, you know** _

He doesn’t want to think about Michael, but he can’t help it. _Will I ever_ not _think about him?_ Alex feels his throat tighten and his body flush. Fuck! He takes a swig of his beer and says his goodbyes to everyone. He makes some excuse about being tired. They harass him a little, but let him off the hook easily enough.

He grips the steering wheel tight as he tries to get back to the Officer’s Quarters without losing it. Knuckles clenched white, body thrumming with tension, as the lyrics from earlier keep playing in his head.

 **_And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you_ **  
**_Each one a line or two_ **  
**_I’m fine baby, How are you?_ **

**_I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough_ **  
**_My words were cold and flat_ **  
**_And you deserve more than that_ **

He barely makes it through the door when the tears start to fall. He leans his back up against the cold concrete wall, sliding down to a sitting position.

 **_Another airplane_ **  
**_Another sunny place_ **

**_I’m lucky I know_ **  
**_But I wanna go home_ **  
**_I’ve got to go home_ **

Elbows resting on his knees he cries so hard it hurts. Time doesn’t seem to matter, nothing lessens the pain of missing or wanting Michael Guerin.

 **_Let me go home_ **  
**_I’m just too far from where you are_ **

**_I wanna come home_ **

Blake Shelton’s _Home_ won't stop playing on a loop in his mind. Bittersweet. Painful. Truth.

 

3\. 2014

Earlier, Maria texted Alex a picture of her at the Wild Pony blowing a kiss. It was cute and made him smile, until he looked at the snapshot closer. In the background he saw Michael’s profile. He was holding up a beer in a ‘cheers’ gesture toward some blond woman sitting at the table with him.

Alex tapped and zoomed in on the picture. It made the image grainy and distorted, but he saw those unmistakable curls and that undeniable smile. Alex felt his heart sink. He hadn’t actually expected Michael to be pining for him all these years, never wanted him to be alone, but seeing him happy with someone else caused a devastating wound to ache deep inside.

That’s how Alex finds himself standing in the hot shower, listening to this song on repeat. He chose this one knowing it would be agonizing to hear, acutely fitting his mood.

 **_I heard, that you’re settled down_ **  
**_That you found a girl and you’re, married now_ **

**_I heard, that all your dreams came true_ **  
**_I guess she gave you things_ **  
**_I didn’t give to you_ **

The small bathroom echos the acoustics, as the words scald him more than the water ever could.

 **_You know how the time flies_ **  
**_Only yesterday it was the time of our lives_ **  
**_We were born and raised_ **  
**_In a summer haze bound by the surprise_ **  
**_Of our glory days_ **

The too hot spray sluices down his body, causing red patches to rise on his skin. The heat from the water doesn’t really help with the pain. So Alex cries. He cries for what he’s very clearly lost. For what never even had a chance to grow, and for what it means now _knowing_ he’ll never truly have another shot.

 **_Never mind I’ll find someone like you_ **  
**_I wish nothing but the best for you_ **  
**_Don’t forget me I beg, I’ll remember you said_ **  
**_Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead_ **

He cries hard and heavy, body heaving, as he listens to Adele belt out _Someone Like You_.

 

4\. 2018

 _Fuck my life._ Michael is sitting across the room at their 10 year reunion when he sees Alex walk in. It’s been so long, so many years, and just the sight of him makes Michael’s heart pound.

There’s some song from high school playing on the sound system and a ton of people are on the dance floor. But Michael’s mind can only hear one song.

 **_Everybody loves the things you do_ **  
**_Frome the way you talk_ **  
**_To the way you move_ **

Michael sees several people walk up to Alex, clapping him on the back and shaking his hand.

 **_But if by chance you’re here alone_ **  
**_Can I have a moment_ **  
**_Before I go_ _?_ **

**_‘Cause I’ve been by myself all night long_ **  
**_Hoping You’re someone I used to know_ **

_How is this even possible? How can I still be so fucked up about him?_

_**And a part of me keeps holding on** _  
_**Just in case it hasn’t gone** _  
_**I guess I still care** _  
_**Do you still care?** _

_I feel like I can’t breathe._ He walks outside and sits on a bench. Flashes and images of them in high school bombard him. Alex laughing at a stupid joke. Alex smiling while playing the guitar. Alex’s relaxed stance as he rolls by on that skateboard he loved so much. Alex brushing his fingertips against Michael’s lips right before they kiss.

 **_Let me photograph you in this light_ **  
**_In case it is the last time_ **  
**_That we might be exactly like we were_ **  
**_Before we realized_ **

_Fuck this!_ Michael can’t stand it anymore. He’s got to go find Alex.

 **_It was just like a movie_ **  
**_It was just like a song_ **  
**_My God, this reminds me_ **  
**_Of when were young_ **

He stands up and heads back inside. The words of Adele’s _When We Were Young_ guiding him though the crowd...to where he needs to be.

 

5\. 2018

Michael is out at the junkyard working on his truck. He’s been out here for hours, getting drunk and trying to forget Alex Manes. _Alex Fucking Manes._ He’s trying to understand all the mixed messages racing through his head, all the back and forth between them. But all Michael wants to do is cut through the bullshit. He has no clue how it would work, or even if it _could_ work, but he wants the chance to try with Alex. _Why can’t it ever be easy?_

 **_Ain't it something when it all goes tragic_ **  
**_How a spell can get casted onto something magic_ **

The song is blaring from the speakers that are attached to the airstream.

 **_What I wouldn't give to get back to where we had it_ **  
**_Oh, it should've lasted_ **

If Alex would just try. _Maybe he doesn’t want to try?_ He knows he could be good to Alex, but…  _Maybe I’ve never been anyone worth loving?_ Maybe he’s always been an embarrassment, a secret, only good for a fuck in the shadows...nothing more.

Broken. Twisted. Worthless. Wrong.

 _**'Cause I-I-I say and I do things that I shouldn't sometimes** _  
_**My mouth gets me in trouble all the time** _

Michael feels tears burning behind his eyes. He throws his beer bottle and watches the glass shatter into tiny shards. _Just like my fucking heart._

 **_Freeze frame, pause, rewind, stop_ **  
**_And get back to the older familiar thoughts_ **  
**_Can we just freeze, frame, pause, rewind, stop_ **  
**_And get back to the feelings we think we lost_ **  
**_For now, for now_ **

Michael rests his hands on the hood of his truck, head hanging down, crying and feeling destroyed. Pink’s _For Now_ continuing to shred him apart.

 

\+ 2019

They’re on the back porch at the cabin. Michael is at the grill as Alex comes up behind him to replace the empty bottle with a fresh beer.

“Thanks.” Michael turns and gives Alex a quick kiss, before returning his attention to the food.

They’ve been out there all afternoon, laughing, joking, and just enjoying each other. A variety of playlists humming through the outside speakers. Then _that_ song comes on.

 **_I was one in one-hundred billion_ **  
**_A burned out star in a galaxy_ **  
**_Just lost in the sky wondering why_ **  
**_Everyone else shines out but me_ **

Alex walks up behind Michael and presses his chest into his love’s back, one arm wrapped around Michael’s middle. Michael places his hand over Alex’s. They start to sway. Michael closes the lid to the grill, stepping back a little, but not turning around. Michael uses his telekinesis to turn the music up.

Alex kisses the back of Michael's neck as the song continues.

 **_But_ **  
**_I came to life when I first kissed you_ **  
**_The best me has his arms around you_ **  
**_You make me better than I was before_ **  
**_Thank God I'm yours_ **

The lyrics speaking all of their truths.

 **_The worst me is just a long gone memory_ **  
**_You put a new heartbeat inside of me_ **  
**_You make me better than I was before_ **  
**_Thank God I'm yours_ **

They stay like that as the music plays, the sun setting to Russell Dickerson’s _Yours_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read.


End file.
